Depression is not a life sentence

Who are you?    Who do you think you are --- who do others think you are.


 You are the centre of your own spiders web except that  you have strands going in three dimension--- those strands are links--- and there are far more of them than you realise. Not all the links are active all the time--- some may lay dormant for years to be reconnected when a need arises. In our daily lives we forget most of the links or don’t value them or perhaps don’t even acknowledge them as links.

It might at one level seem appropriate to try to categorise the links, set them in some sort of hierarchy, that might help when you stop to try to assess them all but in reality you cannot say which links are the most important because in the right circumstance the most obscure link might prove to be the vital one at that moment.

Links can be the guy you buy a paper from every day, family members, employers, landlords, friends, enemies, the tax man,  doctors teachers, car-park attendants, paramedics,  the people on the bus, neighbours. Some you see more often than others, some you interact with more closely, many you never even speak to but still they are part of the fabric of your life and equally you –just by existing are part of theirs. 

In a busy world the conscious awareness of the significance of these people  slips past us  but if there were not “The people on the bus” there would be no bus service, the driver would be out of work, businesses would fail because  workers could not get to them, customers would suffer because there would be no supplier for them to buy from—and so it goes on.


Why is all that important?



We think we are alone, we believe we are isolated, unappreciated, overlooked, insignificant that affects how we behave—we act in the manner that we believe society sees us so we create a spiral whereby we have a perception---we fit ourselves to that image, society reacts to what it sees and that reinforces to us the image we have of ourselves.

It is not enough then to realise that we  ourselves are  of value—we must also recognise the value of everyone we have contact with--- that way we realise in what ways we are valuable to those around us and that helps us  not find  but recognise our part in the total organism that is our world.

Still feeling this is a bit remote, a bit obscure?

We  have effects on each other minute by minute --- we seem someone walking towards us their appearance reminds us that  we ought to buy new clothes, that our style is out of date, that we are due a haircut or their look might remind us of a friend we have not seen and trigger a visit to that person. That interaction could save or change a life but we tend not to think about what seems a trivial thing after all you did not even speak, the other person has no idea that they provoked actions or reactions in you. Just by being we affect the lives of others. 


Depending on your beliefs you may think that somewhere there is a grand plan and that fate or providence puts you in the right place at the right moment to perform your role or perhaps you believe in coincidence or Kharma or any of the other systems that help us make sense of the world.

Kharma says evil gets its own recompense; Dharma says good begets good.


Whichever way you thought processes go  you need to stop from time to time and let yourself catch up. Some use meditation others quiet periods of reflection.

What is becoming more and more clear is that depression comes as a result of failing to take note of those catch up periods--- we call the backlog and build up of unsorted thoughts Stress. We push things to one side, fail to deal with them  assuming they go away --- they do, they go  into the subconscious where they fester and grow, creating problems that grow and mutate over time till you can no longer see the instigating problem.

Depression is not a life sentence—not unless you make it one---you made yourself depressed by failing to take note of warning signs---you did that because no one taught you how to cope, how to process thoughts, how to see when things were becoming a problem. Do not feel guilty for not knowing  but feel empowered now that you do know. Decide to learn to deal with things effectively, to put yourself  in control of your life.

Depression steals your confidence, makes you tired because you are over thinking, trying so hard to see the way  forward that you constantly miss it and get frustrated, narrows your options .

Modelling yourself on a real non depressed person helps you become that non depressed person--- if you think that sounds silly just consider the things that people do--- businessmen dress in a certain way to communicate to you that they are powerful and to be listened to. Pop stars create images of wild and crazy behaviour  to instil a belief  in you that they are radical, alternative, rebellious.

In fact you have unknowingly created your depression as a vehicle to carry  your thoughts and views--- maybe if you change so of those thoughts and views a different vehicle would  suit you better, you would become a resilient person, confident and capable----don’t say “I couldnt”  because you could deep down you know you could but hat stops you is fear of the unknown and a bit of “Leave well alone” “I know myself when I’m depressed who would I be without that?”

That is the question

If I was not depressed how would things be for me?

What could I do if I was not depressed?

What would I like to change?

Who is stopping me?

Now it is beginning to make sense to you—now the light comes on maybe as a feint glimmer or maybe as a “Lights on moment” whichever it is seize it, grow it, push it along because you will benefit massively

I may be able to speed that process up with you—call me, write to me but don’t let go now.

© Martin Williams 2013/15/16